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Cause The Drugs Don’t Work No More.
Oct. 29th, 2006 04:10 pmWell, life is just easy pizzie pumpkin pizzie mother fucking great thanks Gerard for a great saying. after these mother fucking bible freakish people allow all of us into their home and then throw out crazy rules one would know to follow them and deal namely when your odd man out anyway. Well let me say this when those bible fuckers state accusing me of being gay and fucking Krad in their house I take it personally, but I can’t say shit about it cause well I cant. It’s their house and I’m already outcasted enough being white and a stranger. I keep to myself. I don’t know these bastards and I don’t want to I mean yeah Vincent’s cool, he really is working at the corner of Church and Hurst which blows my mind whenever we pass that road sign walking into Immortality bitches~
They didn’t even have the decency to tell me this to my face. No they bitched out Krad’s dad about it because I keep to myself and stay with Krad when I go downstairs…so I have to be fucking her honestly -rolls eyes- Seriously anyone with half a brain can tell Id sell my soul for ten minutes with Gerard Way. Not to mention the fact that if I went home all of my friends know I would end up married to Mickey Moore, this is a fact everyone knows but these bible fuckers. I’ve been pondering walking around in my My Chemical Romance/HIM gear and spooking these old people and I would if Krad’s dad wasn’t here I would show them just what Anne always told me I would show of myself. The reason she told me I was the truest punk of school, I can be a real motherfucker, down right evil when provoked. From the time they got home I’ve been in this room I don’t plan on eating or even watching Trinity Blood or Bleach I’m going to sleep through it.
And after all of this shit I find out I was almost the youngest child again. My baby brother slit his wrists earlier this week, he’s alive and in a Psychiatric Ward of Children’s Hospital in Lexington. He told them things that pain my heart worse then anything has in a long time, he told them life has no meaning when we die were dead, there’s no god, and that in the end we are alone I’ve told him these things in moments of anger and high depression, to know he listened and took it all to heart kills me knowing it was
MY FAULT that he did this, this is all on me. I lost J.T. and I play it cool like it doesn’t bother me but I think I would be selfish as Robbie and follow him if he died.
I watched Robbie grow up, he’s my baby brother I had a huge hand in his raising spoiled brat or not he’s my baby brother and he looked up to me and J.T., Dominca wasn’t around during his early years she didn’t come back until J.T. died I know that hurt Rob it hurt me too. But he’s being a selfish prick! I mean god damn it did he think about what killing himself would do to what’s left of dad’s old heart? On top of that did he think about mom’s weak heart? A little over a year ago Dad faced the worst thing a parent can face he lost his first-born son. Losing J.T. broke Dads heart and I wont be the one to allow what’s left of our family to fall apart even if I already know that it is my fault.
Robbie told his doctors that he lost the two people that matter to him, and they say he has massive abandonment issues and its my fault because I abandoned him to live with a friend, and JT left us all. Its harder on Robbie cause J.J. and Alice are missing since JT’s death his wife took off with the kids its been a year and still no word personally I think they are dead, I think Tracy killed the kids and herself to join JT and be a family again. Robbie feels alone and it’s my fault I want to just crawl in a hole and die, these past few days not even My Chemical Romance has cheered me up from this heavy depression that’s hit me all I can do is be the fake I am and smile through it for MayMay and everyone and lie through my rotted teeth just to make sure everyone else is okay.
On another subject I have started a new story entitled ‘Broken Vanity’ The story of Vincenzio Constantine, a character inspired by [Bad username or site: “Astra_Mandie” @ livejournal.com] ‘s wonderful Toxic Trilogy. I do hope she will like it when I post it as part of my NaNoWriMo I’m also writing this story doe [Bad username or site: “almost_a_saint” @ livejournal.com] as I’ve role played him with her character Sumiko. I hope I can actually do this anyway I gotta go force myself to sleep now so that I can stay upstairs…I wonder if I’ve eaten today I cant remember.
-Kat
She said ‘we’ll shot back holy water like cheap whiskey’
They didn’t even have the decency to tell me this to my face. No they bitched out Krad’s dad about it because I keep to myself and stay with Krad when I go downstairs…so I have to be fucking her honestly -rolls eyes- Seriously anyone with half a brain can tell Id sell my soul for ten minutes with Gerard Way. Not to mention the fact that if I went home all of my friends know I would end up married to Mickey Moore, this is a fact everyone knows but these bible fuckers. I’ve been pondering walking around in my My Chemical Romance/HIM gear and spooking these old people and I would if Krad’s dad wasn’t here I would show them just what Anne always told me I would show of myself. The reason she told me I was the truest punk of school, I can be a real motherfucker, down right evil when provoked. From the time they got home I’ve been in this room I don’t plan on eating or even watching Trinity Blood or Bleach I’m going to sleep through it.
And after all of this shit I find out I was almost the youngest child again. My baby brother slit his wrists earlier this week, he’s alive and in a Psychiatric Ward of Children’s Hospital in Lexington. He told them things that pain my heart worse then anything has in a long time, he told them life has no meaning when we die were dead, there’s no god, and that in the end we are alone I’ve told him these things in moments of anger and high depression, to know he listened and took it all to heart kills me knowing it was
MY FAULT that he did this, this is all on me. I lost J.T. and I play it cool like it doesn’t bother me but I think I would be selfish as Robbie and follow him if he died.
I watched Robbie grow up, he’s my baby brother I had a huge hand in his raising spoiled brat or not he’s my baby brother and he looked up to me and J.T., Dominca wasn’t around during his early years she didn’t come back until J.T. died I know that hurt Rob it hurt me too. But he’s being a selfish prick! I mean god damn it did he think about what killing himself would do to what’s left of dad’s old heart? On top of that did he think about mom’s weak heart? A little over a year ago Dad faced the worst thing a parent can face he lost his first-born son. Losing J.T. broke Dads heart and I wont be the one to allow what’s left of our family to fall apart even if I already know that it is my fault.
Robbie told his doctors that he lost the two people that matter to him, and they say he has massive abandonment issues and its my fault because I abandoned him to live with a friend, and JT left us all. Its harder on Robbie cause J.J. and Alice are missing since JT’s death his wife took off with the kids its been a year and still no word personally I think they are dead, I think Tracy killed the kids and herself to join JT and be a family again. Robbie feels alone and it’s my fault I want to just crawl in a hole and die, these past few days not even My Chemical Romance has cheered me up from this heavy depression that’s hit me all I can do is be the fake I am and smile through it for MayMay and everyone and lie through my rotted teeth just to make sure everyone else is okay.
On another subject I have started a new story entitled ‘Broken Vanity’ The story of Vincenzio Constantine, a character inspired by [Bad username or site: “Astra_Mandie” @ livejournal.com] ‘s wonderful Toxic Trilogy. I do hope she will like it when I post it as part of my NaNoWriMo I’m also writing this story doe [Bad username or site: “almost_a_saint” @ livejournal.com] as I’ve role played him with her character Sumiko. I hope I can actually do this anyway I gotta go force myself to sleep now so that I can stay upstairs…I wonder if I’ve eaten today I cant remember.
-Kat
She said ‘we’ll shot back holy water like cheap whiskey’
